Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Does God promise you a spouse in the Bible?

...that was the question that Rob Eagar over at thelife.com proposed recently.  His post tried to answer this question in the affirmative.   Many evangelicals through the years have often painted a picture that God promises a spouse to all believers.  Except there is one problem, no where in scripture does God make this promise.

Eagar said:

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

This type of theology has created a generation of frustrated Christian singles.  No where in scripture does God promise a wife or husband to a believer on the sole basis that they are a Christian.   Christians are not the spiritual bride of Christ.  The spiritual bride of Christ is the Church (ecclesia).  Some would say Christians make up the church, thus Christ is our bride.  Maybe (that is pretty loose theology), but not in the erotic sense.  However, scripture is clear where we get this “bridal theology” from, such as  Ephesians 5:25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Here, Paul speaks about the love that exists between a husband and wife and mirrors that love in non-erotic language (Paul uses agapate to describe this love) to describe the relationship between the Church and Jesus.  Agnieszka Tennant, writing for CT, posted this article about the over use of love language with Christ.   Her most telling quote reveals the trouble with the over use of the love language of God:

But I have little patience for taking biblical metaphors too far and giving one’s relationship with God an air of irreverent chumminess.   Somehow, the scenario in which “his princess” shaves her legs for a date with Jesus seems to leave little room for fear of God.

And consider how unhelpful this misreading must be to single women who are hormonally awake. The cruel message they get is: If Jesus is really your husband, what’s your problem? Be satisfied!

All of these confused notions of love are related.  Christians have turned the scriptures that speak about marriage into a promise.  What is often misunderstood is that scripture gives a picture of what marriage and love looks like in Genesis, Ephesians, and 1 Peter (to name a few).

The issue here is that the symbols that are employed by scripture cannot be carried outside their perspective intent.  When we say that the bride of Christ is the church, we mean that God is loving drawing us to him.  We are intended for a loving relationship with God, and not an erotic one.

Part of the reason for this mix up is our one word for love.  In Greek, there are at least four words for love.  C.S. Lewis in his book, The Four Loves gives some insight to what these loves are:

1. storgē: a natural affection, like the love between a mother and child.
2. agápē:  refers to a general affection rather than the attraction
3. philia:   friendship, or “brotherly love”
4. érōs: often is a passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.

God desires that people join together in marriage.  Clearly, he has designed humans to love one another in several ways, but God  reserved marriage for the ideal picture of a man and woman: that they join together in monogamy.  Now, whether or not we are good at marriage is another topic.  It is understandable that Christian singles become frustrated when they do not find that happy someone.  Christian marriage is often presented to be perfect and utopian.   Also, the frustration occurs because we think that we have to find the one person who God “set us up with.”  Instead of trying to figure out the mind of God, it is more helpful to understand that God foreknows who we will marry (if we do marry).

Fear not, you will find that special someone.  And, you will know if the time is right.

Tennant ends her article with this thought that I ask you consider:

The Bible is replete with breathtaking metaphors that hint at God’s love for us. Thank God, we don’t always take them to illogical ends: I’ve never heard a preacher take the Good Shepherd image to mean that God raises his children to ultimately kill and eat them.  So, yes, in addition to being the Shepherd, the Bread of Life, and the Vine, Jesus is, poetically speaking, the Bridegroom. And we—the church—are his bride.

But that doesn’t mean I’ll be getting into my wedding gown anytime soon. Not that it would fit.

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