Since writing my book, The Work of The Associate Pastor (Judson Press), I’ve come to two realizations. First, I found that there are very few articles, resources or blogs devoted to my book topic. Second, writing on leadership, ministry, and associate pastor work while trying to inject humor is challenging. I’m just not that humorous when compared to such greats as Unvirtuous Abbey.
However, I found this gem over at The Babylon Bee, the trusted source in Christian news, brings us this sad sack tale of a lonely associate pastor. Enjoy:
KANSAS CITY, MO—Kansas City First Christian Church teaching pastor Sammy Tilson announced Sunday that associate pastor Dave Cromwell would be demoted to their church plant in Omaha following a brutal relief sermon appearance.
With senior pastor Stan Forrell out (strep throat) Sunday evening, Cromwell got the nod to preach. Looking shaky in the pulpit from the get-go, it turned into a relief appearance he’d like to get back.
“We really like Dave, but we think he’ll benefit from some time with the church plant in Omaha,” explained Tilson. “We think this kid has some great potential, but at this level if you aren’t able to consistently hit all your takeaway points on the 23rd Psalm, you need a little more time on a smaller stage.”
Cromwell labored through 2/3 of an hour before mercifully being relieved by the choir. His final stat line was not pretty: 6 unforced exegetical errors, 7 walkouts, 0 decisions, and a glaring misattribution.
“What can I say,” shrugged Cromwell upon receiving news of his demotion. “Definitely not my best showing. I was jumping around all over Scripture for some reason. My timing was off. I feel like I’ve maybe lost some zip off my anecdotes, too. I thought my invitation at the end was sharp, but some weeks you’re going to end up with no decisions. That’s just preaching.”
Tilson says he is still confident he’ll see the youngster again at some point later this year.
“Our bench isn’t that deep right now, so we know we’ll need Dave during conference season. In the meantime, Dave needs to really take care of business down in Omaha and work on his illustrative jokes. That one he told about the dog just isn’t ready for the big time.”
“Give the kid some time,” he added. “We’re confident he’ll be in professional shape by Christmas season at the latest.”
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