(I use the term “Christian Wedding Crashers” as a tongue and cheek way of referring to those people who are not typical church member seeking marriage. Please do not be offended. This is a light hearted term that some Christians have used for this situation. I do not believe these people are really crashing a wedding. Please keep reading. )
“What an awesome wedding! You did a great job. You opened new doors
for us into Christianity.” – is the comment that I heard from a wedding I once officiated. Over the years, I have been conflicted by couples who come into my office asking me to officiate their wedding. Normally, I have no problem doing a wedding for a church member or Christians who do not have a church home. What has been a growing trend for a number of pastors, including myself, is what to do with non-Christian weddings?
Many Christians have been troubled with what to do with Christian “wedding crashers”, which are those people (who some Christians deem to be conflictual) who do not meet the “typical Christian” engagement period. The typical Christian premarital situation looks like this:
- Not living together
- Are not sexual active
- Are active Christians
- Never married
- Come from churched families
Sometimes, I meet with couples who do not meet all of these typical expectations of pastors. I have even had older pastors refer couples to me because they do not want to deal with the difficult task of counseling cohabiting couples through Christian pre-martial counseling. Rather than seeing them as a problem, I see the situation as an opportunity.
I found that preforming weddings for non-Christians, atypical Christians, and unbelievers leaves an opportunity for outreach. When I initially meet with couples, I make it clear that I am an ordained Christian pastor preforming a wedding thus, I will be talking about Christian values, scripture, Christ’s relationship with us, and making a covenant with God. At that point, I allow the couple to choose if they want to proceed. Most take me up on my offer. Very few reject my offer. I am apologetically Evangelical, orthodox, and protestant when it comes to my faith in Christ. In addition, I make it clear that I am not “marrying” them, but it is God who joins two people together. I simply preform the service. It is God who joins a man and women into a mystical union.
Though they are coming to a Christian wedding in an unorthodox matter (from the view of some Christians), these people need to be guided. As pastors, we need to ask the question: “Is it better that these people go to a secular civil official and get married or go to a Christian pastor and are guided through marriage from a faith perspective?” I personally choose the latter.
With about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, we pastors must decided if we want to help those who desire to enter into holy matrimony. We cannot turn a blind eye to those people who do not meet the traditional expectations of an engaged couple. We must show grace and compassion to those seeking to marry. We must offer the message of Christ and the message of God’s love for them through the Gospel. In large cities, the percentage of weddings occurring outside the church is surprising: 25% to 40%. With so many deciding not to marry in a church it is time we welcome them back into the church.
Is it possible that God could use a wedding to convert or to change someone’s heart? Yes, I think so.
We have a responsibility to guide everyone through marriage. Even the ones who do not fit the traditional pre-wedding life situation. It is far better to marry a man and woman in church, in union with God, than to married them without Christian counseling, guidance, and compassion for a couple to truly learn what it means to embody Christ’s love.
Remember, Christ drew Saul of Tarsus to him while he was still a non-Christian, who was “breathing threats against people of the way” and converted him. Why not drawn the unchurched engaged couple to Christ and let God do the work?
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