grief

blog, trauma

Why this Parkland shooting photo is so painful

Another shooting, another community in grief. I’m not going to repeat the shooter’s name because that what people who do this stuff want. A shooter walked into Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL and killed 17 people and injured many others.

Of the many images of the Parkland shooting that emerged, one brought tears to my eyes instantly.

The Associated Press photographer Joel Auerbach took a picture that was truly painful. I saw this picture shared on social media dozens of times on Facebook and Twitter. The photo came up on the news on television. It is being shared over and over.

Why are so many people sharing it?

church security

After shooting, talk about church security

As the nation is still comprehending how a person could walk into a church and kill over 25 people, The First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas is in grief and shock. Another American shooting – the worst in history. In 2015, Dylan Roof walked into a Charleston, SC church and killed nine people. The number of faith-based violence has increased from 22 deaths a year in 1991 to 74 in 2014. As the gun debate heats back up there is another debate stirring in congregations: Do we increase our church security? Do we need to be armed?

blog, Las Vegas

How to talk to kids about Las Vegas shooting

As I awoke Monday listening to the radio I was shocked, dismayed, and saddened to learn of the horrible shooting that occurred in Las Vegas. I immediately thought about my children: Will they come home talking about it? Will they hear about Las Vegas on the bus? Will their teachers talk about it?

As a parent with children who are growing older, I realize that I cannot shield them from such acts of hate and violence. It seems these events occur with greater frequency.

Many are looking to social media to express condolences, give a prayer, or to share their grief. Such expressions are needed as we learn that almost 60 people are dead and over 500 people were injured in Las Vegas. I was relieved to learn a friend was safe after attending the music festival where the shooting occurred because of information on Facebook. As we Americans experience the 24-hour news cycle of this deadly event, our children will hear about Las Vegas. Kids will talk about it in school and talk about what they saw on television: hundreds of helpless people shot at by a gunman.

Adults are able to respond in healthy ways, but what about children? How are we to talk to children about traumatic events? How are we to talk about violence? Here are four ways you can respond and talk to your children.

9/11, September 11

How SNL helped HEAL me after September 11

The anniversary of September 11, 2001 is here, many Americans are sorting through their minds and hearts. How have I changed? What do I feel when I think of September 11, 2001? Where was I on that fateful day? Why am I still sad? Where can our country go from here?

Fifteen years ago on September 11, I was in college. I was getting out of a Tuesday morning class when I heard people talking about an airplane crash. As I walked back to my apartment, I heard more and more information. I walked by a truck and heard words on the radio, “World Trade Center… airplane… Pentagon… crash.” I thought to myself, this is serious. Minutes later I watched the towers come down. I felt utter loss and grief.

As many of us were anxious, worried, upset, and downtrodden, Saturday Night Live kicked off its 27th season. “Oh no” – I thought, how can we laugh at a time like this? Thousands dead, lives changed, and the future looks dark, how could we have any sense of joy? We Americans felt damaged. We were afraid.

Christianity

Are social media thoughts and prayers helpful anymore?

In the wake of tragedy it has become an automatic social media response for many Christians: Our thoughts and prayers are with… I know, I said it on social media after the shootings in San Bernardino, Sandy Hook, and Aurora. Maybe you were like me and wanted to express your grief and wanted to respond.

However, not everyone sees “thoughts and prayers” as a helpful expression of grief in the face of tragedy.

After the shootings in San Bernardino, The Daily News featured several Republican politicians’ Twitter posts expressing their “thoughts and prayers” for the victims with the headline “God isn’t fixing this”. The response from many Christians was sharp and curt.

It seems that mass shootings are growing. According to The Washington Post, there have been 351 mass shootings in the United States this year alone. That’s 351 “thoughts and prayers” to shooting victims on Facebook and Twitter feeds. To many observers, politicians who claim to be Christian and use “thoughts and prayers” on social media and yet do nothing about reasonable gun control laws, are seen as tone deaf.

As a pastor, I use my own Facebook and Twitter feeds to express grief, sadness, and lament in times of tragedy. I read the “God isn’t fixing this headline” and sat in contemplation. I wondered, “How does the world see Christian “thoughts and prayers” on social media? Is that all we are as followers of Jesus? Thoughts and prayers? Continue Reading…

blog

Why pastors need pastors

Much of what we pastors do is to minister, care, support, and uplift the people in our congregations and community. We go through college and graduate school (seminary) and learn the basics of sociology, psychology, and therapy. We pastors walk with people through depression, grief, and death.

Through all those hours, days, weeks, and years of care-giving, what happens when we pastors need a pastor? Who will be the care-giver to the care-giver? Who will be the pastor to a pastor?

I recently posted an Baptist News Global article, written by Jeff Brumbly, on Facebook with some startling statistics for pastors:

blog, Good Friday, Holy Week

How to have a ‘good’ Good Friday

How can Good Friday be good? Good Friday is the day that Christians all around the world remember the suffering of Jesus Christ on a cross.

Depictions of Jesus Christ’s suffering are immortalized within our cultural framework because of such movies as The Passion of the Christ. However, we are not meant to wallow or suffer in the grief of Jesus with torment and pain.

On this day of sadness, we wonder: what is so good about this phrase Good Friday? There is no clear answer, but the word “good” and “God” were mixed together in the English speaking world. For instance, the surname “Goodspeed” derives from “Godspeed”, which comes from the expression “God speed (with you)” The expression, “good bye” came from the phase, “God be with ye (you).

Despite the origins of the phases, we don’t really feel “good” on Good Friday.

No matter what the origins of the phase, we cannot escape our feelings. Are we meant to feel guilty and depressed on Good Friday? We don’t feel “good” about Christ suffering. Are we meant to feel the pressure to be grateful of Jesus’ torment?

No! We must acknowledge our feelings of grief and loss regarding Jesus’ suffering on Good Friday. We cannot deny these feelings, nor should we. The stages of grief are real for us as they were for Jesus and his disciples:

fantasy football

I gave up fantasy football for my family

Way back in 2003, I was an unmarried rabid fantasy football and baseball fan. I spent anywhere between 10-20 hours a week tracking, reading, and researching statistics to build the ultimate fantasy football team. Sometimes, I would manage 3 or 4 teams at once. I’d read and research on my smartphone, computer, and read the newspaper for all the inside tips.

The more time I put into fantasy football, the more my teams won.

The pursuit of fantasy football success and points for my players was almost an addiction. It was exciting going head to head with other fantasy teams each week. Trash talking friends and strangers about how good my team was and how much their team sucked was fun. I almost never played fantasy leagues that charged money. It was about the winning and bragging rights. Managing a fantasy football team was a 7 day a week job and it was enjoyable.

But, was it?

social media

Church uses vandalism for social media message

What do church leaders usually do when someone vandalizes the side of a church with graffiti? Cover it up, repaint, or remove the vandalism. A church in Randolph, New York was recently vandalized with the words, “Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?” The church responded in a remarkable and unconventional way.

Grace Episcopal Church allowed the vandalism to stay, but the church added their own reply:

The above picture circulated around Facebook and Twitter with folks generating a conversation about spirituality and community.

Elizabeth Drescher at Religion Dispatches covered the story and found out why the church responded in this way and how it relates to modern religious expression:

Rather than approaching the tagging as a criminal act, however, church leaders decided to take the graffiti seriously as an expression of something spiritually meaningful—a cry for help.. They approached it relationally, using the church building itself as a social media platform, and responding with their own message of hope.

It’s the story of a fairly traditional church actively recognizing that religious doubt, religious critique, and all manner of theological questioning that once would have been seen as belonging squarely within the clapboard walls of a village church unfold in a much wider, much more broadly networked universe.

What started as a process to respond to church vandalism turned into a broader conversation on social media. With hundreds of shares, likes, and comments on Facebook and Twitter, this church’s vandalism response sparked mostly positive reaction. Some of the replies on the church’s Facebook post tell of the conversation around suicide, religion, and young people:

“As a pastor who has lost a young adult son to suicide, let me add that the forum is 100% appropriate and the response is as well. Song lyrics or no, any indication that an individual might be contemplating suicide needs to be taken with the utmost seriousness.”

“I’m not of this faith, but I really respect and admire this response. It goes beyond religion for me. It comes down to basic, good old-fashioned human kindness, which, sometimes, is the one thing a desperate person needs.”

“This is what I got from this message (go ahead and kill yourself God loves you) should have been worded differently indeed! And so as long as I ask for forgives before I kill myself its all good right.”

“I think the response was great — people in that much pain need to know that not only does the Church love them, but that God loves them. Who knows, this might be just the turning point that this person needs to know that people and God cares”

“my experience working with suicidal people is that the thing that might encourage someone to get help is the sense that someone has heard them. We also don’t know if the person who painted the original message is suicidal or whether the are in profound grief after someone else’s suicide… or if something completely different is going on. You can’t really counsel an anonymous message written on a wall – sounds like the parish is doing the best they could have done under the circumstances”

This story is a lesson in leadership. Rather than react with, “Who would dare do this!?!” The church was proactive and asked, “Why is this person hurting so much to do this? What can we do to reach out in an equal response?” Many Christians and churches are quick to judge, but we must find creative responses to brokenness — as Jesus did.

social media

In the wake of Boston, social media heals

It was last week American experienced its first terrorist act through the lens of social media. Millions turned to Twitter, Facebook, and other social media networking sites to gain information on the bombings in Boston. During 9/11, many turned to TV and radio to seek information but in 2013, social media led the way in information and healing. This is a different internet age.

When the bombs when off in Boston, I was driving my friend Gary Long to the airport. Gary checked his iPhone and said, “A bomb went off at the Boston Marathon.” Immediately, my Twitter and Facebook media feeds contained with first hand accounts, information, and pictures. At times media reports were riddled with errors and misinformation. Our culture’s need to immediately digest information fed inaccuracies.

Quickly after the bombing, social media was ablaze with pictures and stories of regular people rushing to the scene of the explosions. There was something different about this act of terrorism. The shock was lessened by bystanders heroic action rather than fearful reaction to the explosions. The emerging story on Facebook and Twitter was not about details of death, grief, and loss but stories of healing, hospitality, and love. Google quickly set up a missing persons exchange to find loved ones in Boston.

Facebook messages of prayer and sentiments of grief for Boston filled my feed:

After the wake of the Boston bombings, social media became a tool for American to heal. A tool used to gather together as a digital community. Social media became the mechanism by which people shared a common grief and a common resolve to heal. The pictures and stories of average people doing powerful things to save lives gave us hope. Social media brought us together. We all saw the pictures, witnessed the tragedy, and experience grief through social media.

In the end, the power of social media brought us together to pray, cry, and mourn. But, we didn’t stay mournful long because our collective social media conscience encourage us to respond with healing and prayer – not anger or fear. As we move forward as a country, social media will increase our sense of national community and will play a greater role in healing.

Church Leadership

Robert Griffin III, the Redskins, and dying churches

It was awful. It was embarrassing. I couldn’t watch it anymore.

My team, the Washington Redskins had started a good fight against the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday night football. The Redskins came out strong and scored 14 points quickly. My team was looking like they were a sure win to continue into the NFL playoffs with strong momentum. I was hopefully that my Redskins were going to taste a Super Bowl after 20 years.

And then, a Redskins fans greatest fear came to reality.

Robert Griffin III our star rookie quarterback, who was not 100% healthy, sustained hit after hit and injury after injury. Mean while, the Seahawks put together a multi-quarter drive to put points on the score board. As it happened, RG3, became weaker and weaker. His passes were ineffective and his signature running game was just a limb jog to the sideline.

Ugh. It was like watching a train wreck slowly.

“Is anyone going to do anything about RG3!?!” I yelled at the TV.

Passes were misfired, plays were broken up, and interceptions occurred. The play-maker for the Redskins was hurt and no one seemed to do anything about it. Finally, the game was lost.

Immediately, fingers start to point as to who was responsible for RG3’s unhealthy play. It was the coach. It was RG3. It was the team doctor. The list went on. It seems that the team leadership was simply concerned about winning and not about the long term health of the quarterback

How could this happen?

Older Posts

On Facebook