controling anger

Being a pastor, I have always had positive experiences with funeral homes and funeral directors but, one of the first funerals I ever did, as an ordained pastor, was memorable.  A well known hometown gentleman died young, and his family contacted me and a retired minister on staff at my church to officiate the service.  As the two of us are about to begin the funeral, a wife of a pallbearer came up to me and asked if it would be acceptable for her to sit with her husband during the service.  I looked into the sanctuary and saw that all the pallbearers were to sitting on the front row, and I really thought nothing of it for her to sit with her husband (and the other pallbearers) during such an emotional time.  Boy I was wrong.

The funeral director came up to me and asked why I let her do that.  I explained that it is a difficult time for the family and I would want to have my wife with me if I was going through a difficult time.  The funeral director replied quickly,“That messes up the plan.  It doesn’t look right for her to sit with all the other pallbearers.  She isn’t even an immediate family member.”

I apologized and politely said that it might not look right to him, but to the family it means a lot.  “Who do you think is in charge here?” He  said aggressively.  I could immediately sensed that this funeral director was feeling threaten by me, a young whipper-snapper. I thought in my mind of all of the conceivable things to say to this man, who was being a jerk quite frankly.  “I’m sorry you feel that way, but here at this church we are very concerned about people, and not about looks.”  I said.  The funeral director got in my face, real close, about 6 inches away.  His face was bright red.  Like a stop sign.

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